Today's my last day at my old job. I feel like I'm being freed from the plantation. In fact, I'm going to start referring to my old job as The Plantation. My boss gave this ridiculously insincere card and this gift that obviously came out of her "gift closet." In my exit interview, the woman asked me why I was leaving, and I said, "Well, there just really wasn't any room for career growth here, I tried to stay but I didn't get any of the jobs I interviewed for, so my only real option was to, you know, leave [The Plantation]. So you know, it's been a fun 8 years, but uh, I guess it's time for me to peace out!"
Her eyes bugged out of her head when I said "peace out."
Duringi the Al Green tribute on this year's BET Awards, one of my favorite singers performed one of my favorite songs.
The campaign, in Canada at least, features shoddy, third-rate Michael Jackson and Madonna lookalikes explaining that they, respectively, want the "Jacko" and "Madge" Yahoo Mail addresses under the new domains. Even if you could get past the idea that you're supposed to identify with people who want to adopt the identity of insane 50-year-old pop stars, the worst part is that both "Jacko" and "Madge" are names bestowed upon the singers by the British tabloids, and both epithets are detested by the singers they've been applied to.
It's a win all around, really.
I accepted a new position. I am super excited about it. My last day at my current crummy old job is July 7. I feel like running laps around the building and high-fiving everyone.
I ESCAPED!! I'M FREEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Last night I made such a good dinner that I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to make it once a week until I am sick of it.
Tacos de Carne Asada
I marinated a 2 pound sirloin roast over night in a mixture of:
Worcestershire
Tabasco brand Chipotle sauce
Juice of 1/2 fresh lime
2 Tbsp olive oil
salt & pepper
Then I made some pico de gallo before I started cooking the steak:
two small tomatoes, diced
1/2 a sweet onion, diced
1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and diced
1/2 bunch cilantro, chopped
juice of 1/2 a lime
salt & pepper
I grilled the beef over medium heat about 5 minutes a side, turning twice---check for your desired level of doneness, my steak was very thick. I brought the steak in and let it sit for a minute to seal the juices further, then I thinly sliced the beef against the grain and chopped the slices into half-inch pieces, TACO SIZED! Then I tossed the beef with a little more worcestershire and chipotle sauce.
Warm CORN tortillas. (Flour tortillas are for gringos.) Heat a cast iron skillet and heat corn tortillas on both sides for 10 seconds each side.
Spoon the carne asada into two corn tortillas (one is too tender and will tend to rip)
Liberally top with pico de gallo.
Lose your mind at how delicious it is.
I ate three, which was one too many, but I wanted to eat six more and explode with deliciousness.
My wife has me doing the holy shit 100 pushups thing, which basically ends every other day with doing pushups until you collapse. as a result, my arms are now useless and vestigial, like a tyrannosaurus, and my giant head has only a walnut-sized brain with which to understand why the heck we're doing this.
So, it's been a week and a half on the probiotics / Tums diet. And so far, so good. I've been RIDICULOUSLY gassy, but I am cautiously optimistic. I have not been as strict about the diet as my father would probably like (dairy and starch are hard for me to avoid) but I have been religious about my supplements and the antacids. I had to quit taking the Fish Oil in the morning because the ungodly fishy burps were making me suicidal, but I just take 2 at night instead. I have also added 2 Fiber Choice tablets twice a day, once between breakfast and lunch, and one between lunch and dinner.
Anyway, Sunday night we went out for Mexican. Usually Mexican is a risky proposition for me, the salt, spice, cheese, all of it is a guaranteed emergency in my future. Sunday I ordered the carnitas tapatias, which were really unreasonably fatty, and I was concerned. But I was OK in the restaurant. And I was OK on the drive home. And I was even OK when we got home. In fact, no emergency at all. I was totally fine. I was still super nervous. But ... I don't know. I'm still nervous. I still am so afraid to trust my stomach with anything after so many years of KNOWING that I was going to have an emergency. But I am cautiously optimistic.
I'm going to continue to take the Rolaids 4x a day for another week, and I'll continue taking the VSL #3 twice a day, and I'll continue taking the leicithin and fish oil at night, and the fiber between meals for a few more weeks. I'll slowly taper most of the supplements off over the next few months and see what changes, if anything, with the removal of the supplements. I might actually keep taking the supplements and VSL until it runs out, and just drop the rolaids for now. I dunno. I haven't decided.
Anyway, that's the update. I have not had emergency poops since I quit the Rifaximin and started the probiotics.
I should blog this idea while it's still (barely) timely. Yesterday, I was on a plane home to NYC and everyone on the flight had CNN on and was watching, first, Hillary Clinton's non-concession speech and then Barack Obama's acknowledgement that he's going to be the Democratic party's presidential candidate. Pretty amazing, historical stuff.
- Most of the attendees at Hillary's rally had likely lined up hours and hours in advance, well before the day's primaries were called or the superdelegates began piling on to Obama's count
- Baruch College's auditorium is underground, as I was reminded by seeing Choire tonight and re-reading his piece on Hillary's speech
- As a result, Hillary's diehard supporters in that room had almost no cell phone coverage or data plan coverage with which to receive updates on the day's progress as they waited, relying instead on word of mouth and (likely skewed) reports from organizers
- The bulk of Hillary's speech was her standard stump speech of the past few days and weeks, delivered with such familiarity that supporters were able to chant along with signposts such as her recitation of her website's address
ME: How's her cross-dressing friend?
HIM: She is the same. She's planning to get gender reassignment surgery. She's weird.
ME: She IS weird. And not because she dresses like a man...but because she's so bad at it. She says things that she thinks guys would say, but they come out all wrong...like she's trying too hard. Like always talking about how she hates chick flicks and likes action movies. I'm all, "I GET it, you want to be a guy. Relax already."
HIM: You have no idea. She's been asking me for tips on being a guy.
ME: Really?
HIM: Yeah. Do you know that she wears a fake penis?
ME: WHAT?
HIM: Yeah, it's a little tube that's tied to her with a strap. It allows her to use the men's bathroom and pee standing up.
ME: Jesus.
HIM: Yeah, so anyway, she asks me tips about using the men's bathroom. She asked me, "What happens if I fart while I'm peeing? Should I make a joke about it?" And I'm like...dear God, no.
ME: Guys just don't talk in the bathroom.
HIM: Exactly. I'm like, NO, you can't make a joke. When a guy has got his junk hanging out, that's a big deal. It's no time for comedy hour. You shut up and do your business.
ME: That's good. You gave her good advice.
HIM: Yeah.
ME: You think she'll be okay?
HIM: No. I think she's totally going to get her ass kicked.
Have you heard of this new-fangled thing? You can order ICE CREAM on the INTERNET. You can make ANY FLAVOR COMBINATION YOU WANT.
So of course, I made:
Flavor: Root Beer
Flavor: Habanero
Mix-in: Sour Gummy Worms
Mix-in: Parmesan Cheese
NOM! The best is, it's only $120 a gallon! AWESOME! (Lulz, j/k. That is a car payment for me.)
Thanks to Andrea for pointing this out. We grossed each other out with disgusto-combos for like an hour, easy.
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